March 25, 2010
2 oz. wheatgrass
Breakfast: 32 oz. carrot, celery, apple, lemon, beet w/greens, chard, broccoli.
Lunch: 16 oz. pineapple, mango, orange, distilled watered down to 30 oz.
2 oz. wheatgrass
Dinner: 32 oz. celery, cucumber, cilantro, lime, chard, carrot, apple.
Today's Symptom's: Once again..I feel terrific! Soooo much energy! I do notice though that right before I wake up I notice the tension/pressure in my head and chest. But, upon arising it goes away. It's enough to wake me. The doctors who had originally diagnosed me said I had anxiety. I hope this will eventually go away with a completely detoxed body.
I did something today that surprised me. I made a new recipe for my children tonight: Tofu Vegetable Lo-Mein. It smelled wonderful. I was so curious to taste it. I did. It was excellent. Then I spit it out. Then I tasted it again, and spit it out. Then I had some bread and spit it out, then some pretzels and spit it out too! I thought I had lost my mind! I couldn't get out of this funk?? It's like I was possessed! All the while knowing that what I was doing was ridiculous! What was I doing? I rationalized that I missed chewing. I went to my calendar and realized that it's ovulation time. But, I wasn't hungry? What happened to me? Why did I do that? I feel terrible about it! I don't want to develop this habit??!! I've overcome bulimia and I don't want to start another eating disorder! I never want to do that again! I almost didn't post about it here because it's so embarrassing! But I figured that I wanted to tell you everything. I didn't even PLAN on doing that! It just happened. Just ONE bite set me off. I haven't chewed anything for 23 days and it felt great! Even though I wasn't the slightest bit hungry? I don't understand? I don't even want to eat yet. At this moment I feel like I did something that was definitely a mistake and wasn't even pleasurable and gross and I definitely don't want to do that again. I wonder what my therapist will tell me about this next week? Maybe I'm beginning to detox the old bulimia behavior?? I can't believe how much emotional detox is going on at the same time? Could it have been that? Or was it just a passing thing? Gosh, I NEVER want to do that again. Have you ever done that before? (Now you guys are REALLY gonna think I'm whacked! And lose all respect for me and just write me off as a mess!) I hope I don't regret writing this....
Before this I went to therapy today and had a little revelation. (Maybe the emotional prodding led me to food?? I don't know??)
I've often thought about how in the Scriptures Jesus healed people. How the scriptures say, "Ask and ye shall receive." Well, in the past 20 months, I've asked every.. single.. day.. to be healed. I've often thought that maybe I'm not worthy enough, or good enough, or had enough faith. Well, in therapy today this thought came into my mind. "You do not know how long those people were sick BEFORE they were healed." *Light bulb moment* I guess I just thought that they were instantly healed right when they got sick, but you know what? That wasn't the case!
I thought about how much I have grown spiritually and emotionally and how much I have overcome and the strength and wisdom I've gained in holding on to my hope and faith. I think that Heavenly Father of course, knew that this experience "would be for my good" that this experience would help me to grow faster and more than if all was just good and dandy. So, for this I am grateful.
I hope that I can take way more steps forward than backwards, like I did today. I just pray for the strength to overcome and the faith to believe with all my heart that I will heal. That my body IS healing, and to TRUST in Him and in the ability of the body He designed to heal. I'm not quiting!
I know that the Lord is more likely to answer the man's prayer who's wagon broke and is pushing it as hard as he can, than the man who is just sitting next to the wagon waiting for help. So Lord...push, push, push I go!
Do I click on PUBLISH POST or not...........Here's goes! *click*