December 8, 2010
Weight: 154 (no change?)
Breakfast: Citrus Bliss
Lunch: 42 oz. Celery, carrot, cucumber, cilantro, lime, apple juice.
Snack: My oh so favorite "Blessings Alive and Radiant Foods Cheeziyes" Kale Chips.
Dinner: "Living Intentions Gone Nuts White Chocolate" cashew and almonds and also their "Thai Curry" SO, so, SOOOOOOOOO amazingly delicious! I sort of (totally) pigged out on them......I am grateful for yummy snacks like those to "fill in the gaps" to overcoming cooked foods.
Snack: Half of a mandarin orange.
I went to my Relief Society Christmas Party tonight. They had a dinner and wonderful entertainment. It was kind of nice to focus on the people and not the food. We always surround ourselves with food and I realize now how it distanced me from deeper connections with people because my focus was ALWAYS on the food. Seriously.
I also am noticing that eating was a way to distance myself from others.
"Don't bug me...I'm eating"! It's a sort of "wall" to be eating instead of talking and interacting with others. I don't know...I'm just observing myself and my feelings.
When you eat raw, you are also raw emotionally. I didn't like being the only one not eating. I felt out of place. I was going to bring something to eat, but I wasn't hungry and I don't like to eat that late (6:45 p.m.) I also didn't want to eat something "different" in front of everyone. It feels wrong to be like "I don't eat YOUR food". That doesn't seem right either, so I went with just not eating.
It's a tough thing. Honestly I would rather fit in with everyone....I LOVE all those women and they are my FRIENDS! I don't want to make them feel bad. But I also want to heal and live a long healthy life. I have to do what's right for me.
It's just tough. I don't want to make other feel "bad" or "wrong", and sadly, It really does come across that way doesn't it? It's like a Mormon going to another church and not participating in what they are doing, or a non drinker going into a bar and not drinking. You know what I mean?
It's just one of the tough things about being different.